Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize