i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
