If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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