So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize