I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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