I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
