i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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