I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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