My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
