Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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