My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
