its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
