No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
