he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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