Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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