I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
