I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
