I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
