the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
