I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize