she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
