Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
