Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What did we do last night that was yellow?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
