Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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