a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize