my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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