I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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