My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry my hands just texted you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
