I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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