i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
