Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
vagina is talking i cant
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
