Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
