We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
