I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
