Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need a beard to bite.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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