Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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