hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
