Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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