This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
