too bad you live with your parents still
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
