I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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