I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I cockslap morals
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
