with your own penis?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
