First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
