my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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