so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
