I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize