I didn't shave. On purpose
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
