super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
