I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
