I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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