cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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