so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
