i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A+ Viking dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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