Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
