There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
