When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
