If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
