somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dear god my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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