I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
porn star boner night. come get it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
