i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
