you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
