What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
