We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
