The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
