My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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