So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
