never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
