How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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