If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
