My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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