I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
