I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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