guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
