Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
