We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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