she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
