I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
