Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
