yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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