Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
