hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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