well you can't waste a boner
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
